harfa

being

Fri, 28 Dec 2012 23:42:18 -0500

asked
me could i
do more could i
spell my words
with breaths instead
this time
move a dream with my mouth
letters like lips tongue teeth cheeks and gums
asked me what word
does that spell and tell me
how it sounds will you
tell me how it’s pronounced

asked me could
i let a thought make sound
could i let these sounds disintegrate
into the air around me let these sounds
integrate with the air around me
change an atmosphere asked me
what have you been breathing and
tell me are you dizzy

asked me
could i move when i pray did
i know i moved when i prayed
how long will it take and
won’t i keep moving and
what if i stopped

asked me could i
treat a word like fruit
after a day of fasting
see it as iftaar
could i remember hearing a word like that
could i say a word
like that

asked me could
i fast until i
became light could i
see everything then
delirium and ecstasy could
i learn how to see both and between and beyond
be both and between and beyond
could i find it like patience

asked me
could i speak essential
and what did i speak before that
became ceiling for me
when i sought the sky asked me
could i speak past that

asked me could i answer
and i asked myself
an answer and it
sounded like your name
and everything i could

yalda

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 10:09:00 -0500

i looked for you every
night i looked for
you every
night could have been you could
have been you every night
i could have looked
for you and you
could have
been
every night the longest dream
i could have awake and
asleep still my soul
spins for you in
ceremony
could
be asleep and still my soul would spin for you
the longest dream would have for you
on every night and wait for you
and search for you on
every night until
the morning
breathing prayer and poetry every sound becoming
prayer and poetry every season speaking its
light to me like the glow of birth and
for you the longest dream you
the longest night and
all my heart a
solstice

we taught that

Fri, 14 Dec 2012 23:03:52 -0500

we
taught that

violence

is the way
to deal with
pain

taught that
we can
erase it
if we erase
someone else
always someone else
who is responsible
always

every day taught
that everywhere
to everyone we
taught that
well

taught outside
classrooms and
inside classrooms

learned it all
but tomorrow
when we
return to class
and notice empty chairs
and someone asks
where the students are
and when they
are coming back and
why they are gone
who will demand
to unlearn everything?

what lessons
are we teaching?
and look at
all we’ve learned we
learned
all of
that

where is
the sense
in that?
tell me
what is
senseless

we taught that
violence is
a way to
deal with
pain
and we
live that and
we die that

flowabadi [instrumental used: “No Future” by 9th...

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:25:06 -0500

flowabadi

[instrumental used: “No Future” by 9th Wonder]

—

mojy w/the lo-fi — salaam to the most high. welcome to flowabad.

been off for a second / without a facebook - ya whole face look different / not caught up in the instant / but more brought up with the distance / like ya heart n how it listens / n ya eyes n how they glisten / or ya soul n whole existence / see my words n how they written / not with pixels or a printer / but a spirit that is neither / speak it through the ether / know my memory won’t leave ya / friendship it be deeper / and i say it how i feel it / cuz this is how i breathe it / and i love the way i be it / i does this cuz i loves this / and i know i always will be and was this - trust this…

the fast is in full effect and fact is my glass isn’t empty yet / factored my life into integers - positives and negatives / count my blessings to be whole - believe i rep a different set / undergoing transformation - inspiration malcolm x / weight of the past was lead cuz i wanted gold around my neck / studied the science of my dreams and now i’m the alchemist / they said: to be the best, ey you’ve got to beat the best / justice what i practice so i looked inside my chest / subhanallah with all the love you taught me self-respect / mathematics universal when the truth is infinite.

s/o to identity — wonder who i am so i do what i love and i find that it centers me. find that what enters my mind is an energy. speak with the beats and flow with a fluency.

what do you think they think about you and me? wonder how it used to be? care about a history? i represent my memories — dreams in everything i breathe, fight with everything i bleed — anything for family. reason why they fearing me:

i’m a human with a heart that loves the beat, and i refuse to be defined by simple minds categorically. i feel that i should say it: i don’t really know who they is. i just know that if you hate this, i could see it in your faces. how you probably being played with. i guess that’s how the game is.

welcome to the matrix. masochists and sadists. who knows where the pain is? blue pill, red pill — but it isn’t always blatant. overcome my limitations and become a super saiyan — like that kid on youtube, i think his name was jaylen — s/o to inspiration.

and the vibe infinite and the flow universal. thinking of what’s ahead after a series of reversals. couldn’t always jump over, so i ran through some hurdles. s/o to guru francis and the settling of purple.

now i’m a lil less uncertain bout my principles n certainly thas principal tho certainty not pinnacle when serpents see peripheral… might stick but not preventable the syrup unpredictable…

supposedly the picture be circular potentially spherical tho probably unspeakable the problem deep speak to me like prophecy spin surround the policy see politicians and police circulate while panderin scared of what a panther is incarcerate some panda bears saluting and pollute the earth…

spending until penniless sinking in expenditures some ppl like predators selling what is prevalent then select a president w/similar preference seduce em w/expensive gifts send em to expand the biz stock options pretty benefits steal pensions cuz of precedent and celebrate the prejudice system w/a pressure lid silence meets oppression and self-censorship is punishment

salaam to the most // leaping

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:07:00 -0500

“Self-censorship is self-destructive. Those words you’ve been wanting to say? Say them all, say ya heart. No freedom without honesty. After some silences, speaking becomes breathing. Need it to live. Let ya soul be, let ya soul fly. Times when I feel I can’t find my light, and it finds me. Salaam to the Most: I’m not giving up.”

—

believe that, i believe that, had to breathe that - was my facebook status a lil over a week ago. get to feeling sometimes heavy silences that sit on lungs, type of quiet made for compression. doubt about who i am what i do how i live why i love, thoughts obstructing passageways and ways to pray for days and days. lose my footing and my faith, type of thoughts that suffocate.

something in the truth of loss, the light that reveals it - and the struggle to see that could be life, struggle to be that could be life. something gained, might not know what it is, but now i gotta walk with it. i gotta run with it gotta fly with it, learn how.

times when i get tired, thinking arrogance about how the world owes me, waiting, wondering when’s and why’s. the reminders in the land, the sea, the sky: you come from this, fam. the earth humbles, and the universe hums, all agreement. how much i owe, and how much have i been giving of myself? to the world, my community, my family, my friends, to me and every moment of this living. get myself twisted thinking about all i want to get, everything that’s wrong for me.

i think back to those silences, when i find myself not saying what i need to say, not doing what i need to do: being scared to give because others might reject, hiding.

but who else can find me? who else will find me?

and i think about how i can’t leave that to chance or anyone else.

we’re worth more than that.

leaping,

mojy

[note: this was my submission to the narcicyst’s leap of faith tumblr. you can check out more, including his leap of faith ep, by clicking on the link.]

i hear you

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 23:58:00 -0500

who is

your

audience and

are you
only

looking for

applause
?

when
you speak what
do you
see whose
love do you seek

and is it love enough for you?

if you
speak in a crowd and
no one listens
will you have
made a
sound?

if you listen
when no one
else listens will
you
have heard a thing
?

i try
to hear
myself even
when i am quiet
and that is love enough

speak

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 01:47:41 -0500

speak
if you must

but

try to be
quiet
don’t say too much and

keep it vague

please

universal themes and
generalities
nothing
too
specific

nothing
that
might
get
political

no one
wants that

might upset and
offend the
audience
and no one
wants to be
uncomfortable -

who enjoys discomfort?

talk about
something we can
all
agree on

here is
a list of
quotes
from people
successful
at
life - do not
dissect what
they say
or look into
their pasts -
what they
said is more
important than what they
did - why
complicate things
?

and
if you choose to write
please
italicize
everything that
is in another
language
we need
to know
what is ours and
what is yours

everything
has its own
place
after all

(ideally

you would

swallow your words in
silence

and sink to the
bottom
of the page

right off
the
edge)

—

speak yes
i must

will be as loud as
i need say as much as
deserves to be
said

and universal
is fine but
what if your universe
doesn’t
include me
or the people i
love people
you might not
see as
human?

what if
“all”
is really
“some”
?
what if by universal
you really just mean
you and
yours?
really just mean
the size of
your mind
?

the universe is
much bigger than
that

the world is much
bigger and
our worlds
look
different why is
that?

and i
refuse to
live my life
always
in italics -

my identity
italicized

looking at me
sideways and
wanting me
to put
it in
writing
so it’s official

and you
too afraid to
write it
yourself
to admit
how you
look at
me

wouldn’t
dare offend me
like that

but oh how
happy
you are to
cause pain
when you think i’m not
looking

what
do you
consider
offensive and
what do you mean
when you give advice?
what are you
encouraging
?

cheering on
my
self-trivialization
as i speak
on and on
and on
at length
about nothing
that matters
to me

speak
i will
and say
all i believe

things that seem
too foreign
for you things
that are said by
unsuccessful people

monster (muslim remix) [instrumental used: from...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:31:00 -0500

monster (muslim remix)

[instrumental used: from “Monster” by Kanye West]

—

audhu billahi min ash-shaytan ar-rajim
[i seek refuge in God from the accursed Satan]
bismillahi-r rahmani-r rahim
[in the name of God, the Beneficent, the Merciful]

let’s go

gossip gossip everybody stop it
everybody thinks that i’m really a monster
ima needa see ya loving hearts in concert
ima needa see ya loving hearts in concert
prophet, prophet, jesus and mohammad
please give us some guidance — we’re treated like we’re problems
ima needa see ya loving hearts in concert
ima needa see ya love, love…

i tell them i’m a muslim, they tell me i’m a monster
many people hate him — not as many love him
fewer understand him — they can’t really stand him
more than just the brown skin — isn’t he a towelhead?
what’s his name again? — can’t pronounce it
go back home — ya people so denouncin
always be announcin — how you gonna trounce us
do you know bin laden? — gomorrah and sodom?
don’t you welcome slaughter? slay you like you saddam —
one too many bad bones
do you love al qaeda?

man we are the cradle
of civilization when you weren’t able
keep tellin them fables at the dinner table
where we’re not invited cuz y’all be too frightened
grabbin kitchen knives and tellin my mom the hijab don’t excite them
it only incite them
ummm — colonialist mindset?
— are we behind the times yet?
— y’all beyond bonkers
— y’all are really monsters

problem, problem — you really don’t know muslims
benefit of a doubt? i want benefit of conscience —
while you gas-guzzlin, proppin corporations and governments
that really been breakin ish, like laws and promises
we been tryna plant seeds to make things blossom
our soil been poisoned by greed — y’all got us —
bombs? yall drop em — forget innocence —
back here yall hold religion ransom
price to be paid? granddaughters and grandsons?
stationed in iraq now they back wantin answers —
some are up in arms, others up in handcuffs —
we just wanna get home, to families that love us —
yall wanna arrest us - neva get to rest cuz
security bug us — yeah we worry so much
random check? ok — now you got my hands up
thinkin i’m exotic — i’m no belly dancer*
no i’m not your monkey, neither am i ya cancer
i’m a us citizen but i don’t like your pillagin
no i’m not that privileged**, my parents were two immigrants
sometimes i feel homeless wonder where the world is
resident alien? that welcome wasn’t warmest
we from overseas - so now you wanna seize us?
tryna get thru customs with our different customs — we just wanna be us

is it halloween? why they wearin costumes?
would it really cost you a whole lot more leg room
if you weren’t hostile?
do i have to beg you?

now you havin cabbies fillin up the hospital —
why you gotta treat him like he was an obstacle?
— abu ghraib to guantanamo —
this course is impossible
justice what we need why we treat it like it’s optional
now you wanna burn qurans?
are we really that intolerable?

welcome
to ground zero, america
where
anger gets the best of us
you expect me to be silent?
sayin we’re defilin
that we’re only violent

you insensitive definin
islam as terrorism — you should get in line and
learn bout other members
of the community
who were victims that september —
they remember embers —
welcome to the center

listen
i tell you where the error is: when you say a terrorist represents what the scripture says — pretty embarrassing to be carried away by hatred and ignorance, huh?

gossip gossip america let’s stop it —
we’re turning ourselves into the biggest monsters…
gonna needa share our loving hearts in concert
gonna needa share our loving hearts in concert
prophet, prophet, jesus and mohammad
forgot about ya guidance — now we got some problems
gonna needa share our loving hearts in concert
gonna needa share our love, love…

please…

please.

1. candlelight [instrumental used: “Mystline” by...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:28:56 -0500

1. candlelight

[instrumental used: “Mystline” by Nujabes]

—

so i got a small request - yall look really beautiful right now, umm, standing, like, kinda by yaselves: if you could, like, put ya hands around each other - if you don’t know a person, you don’t have to touch em, but… - i want yall to get close so, you know, people you love, friends, you can hold hands, hug ‘em, do whatever, but, like, show that love…

yall good and close? yall comfortable? good. aight - and while i’m speaking, of course, pay attention to my words - that’d be nice - umm, but also be thinking about everything that you’ve been through throughout your time at the college.

so, without further ado, here we go:

i’m talking about a place so magical that you get nostalgic for it before you ever leave. a place so magical that you can’t help but will memories from their sleep just so you could tuck them back in so you could wake them back up so you could begin to understand what breathing under a blanket is really all about: the ups and the downs. and the dreams that make our hearts beat over and over and over in a language incomprehensible to everyone but you.

i’m talking about dreams so fantastical that they inspire you to wake up. you ever wonder why your dreams are so beautiful? it’s because you are so beautiful. all the things you ever experienced in your life, all the things that you will never, ever, ever, ever be able to take away — all of them coming together in a constellation of infinite grace to remind you of who you once were and who you will be. the unending reminders of who we are that propel us to know where we need to go, that beg us to never forget about the love it takes to live a life.

i’m talking about home, a place ever-changing and never-changing. the people that come and go, from generation to generation, from class to class — the rings of a bell marking new beginnings in a building as ancient as wisdom and as young as curiosity. bricks in paths laid like moments pieced together to create a map of our history, its geometry resembling the mathematics of this tribe, the very flows of our passions — the reasons why we move. the steps and breaths we take made up of every unheard thank-you, every unheard i-love-you, and the things we are lucky enough to experience that help to give them meaning.

i’m talking about growth. taking care of stuff that needs to get done, working hard, and knowing that your growth as an individual is the greatest compensation. and craving that so badly that you cannot stop growing because you realize that your life is your greatest work, your greatest legacy. being who you are and never regretting it — but letting it teach you when need be.

i’m talking about the why’s. there is a reason and a season for everything. a reason for struggle, for what would success be without it? a reason for pain, for what would pleasure mean in its absence? a reason for you — for all the little things that make you the person that you are, all the ways in which every day you’ve already changed the world.

i’m talking about strength, and how it comes from the heart — not the hands. the will — not the want. the lessons we have learned that teach us to never sell ourselves short because of how priceless we are. and the strength to believe that.

i’m also talking about feeling weak — the knots you get in your stomach, and the way your chest tightens when you find yourself saying goodbye to the people you love — the way you never really say goodbye because words never really come out with those types of goodbyes. and how those people don’t need you to say a word anyway because they understand you in a way you never understood yourself.

there is a persian saying my father once shared with me. it goes, “agi laalaa’i baladi, cheraa khodet nemikhaabi?” translation: if you can sing lullabies so sweetly, then why is it that you yourself don’t fall asleep?

translation: (that was kinda deep, right? …thanks, dad.) that we may all sing, and sleep, and dream, and wake up to live what we love. and that we may all love, appreciate, and understand ourselves enough to know that this, at the very least, is what we deserve.

translation: that is what i’m talking about. and that is what i’m going to be crying about — and smiling about, but mostly crying about — for the rest of this weekend. and probably after it, too.

i love yall so much. thank you.

2. distance [instrumental used: “This Normal Sin” by...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:27:14 -0500

2. distance

[instrumental used: “This Normal Sin” by 9th Wonder]

—

i just really came here to (w)rap
gifts up
and that
is one of the ways that i hope to give back
i regret ever coming close to giving them heart attacks
talking about my parents and the way they’d react
to the ways i would act
in persian, it’s called sekte ghalb
but growing up, for them it was called mohammad

mohammad -
(that’s my name)

sometimes i get sentimental
so i send a mental
note to myself
to remember to pick up the pencil
and write a letter i know i was meant to
send for a while though
n maybe see ya smile glow
it only takes a minute to say i love you
but it only takes a second to miss the way that they used to hug you
used to, used to hug you
used to hug you
used to, used to hug you…

uhhh

i miss a lot of friends,
wanna spend some time with them,
cry a couple tears with them,
laugh a couple years with them,
they know how i feel within,
i know how they feel within,
life is not the same again,
they have changed my life again

i miss my family,
everything they planned for me,
ever since i couldn’t see,
now i’m getting currency,
tryna give stability — back to them,
they gave the ability — understand how means do end,
love they gave to me — every day they pray for me,
out at sea now — sink or swim (swim, swim, swim)

i miss myself a lot,
wonder what i really got,
too much hate growing up,
deuces, i be throwin up,
really i was throwin up,
tryna make sense of stuff,
some of it was simple stuff,
other stuff was hard like love,
and that thing that’s brought by doves,
everything i owe above,
i know i be owin lots (lots, lots)

i miss god a bit,
faith, try to honor it
— i do believe in it
i know god believe in this
kid who is on a riff
sometimes i be on a raft
paddlin with both my hands
wonder where the wind is at
sometimes i misunderstand
wonder when i’ll ever land…

sometimes
i misunderstand
(do you?)
wonder
when i’ll ever land

sometimes
i misunderstand
wonder
when i’ll ever, ever land
wonder
if i’ll ever understand
wonder
when i’ll ever land
sometimes i don’t understand
i don’t understand

this is what jihad sounds like -
this is what my jihad sounds like -
a part of it at least

salaam.

3. eid mubarak — i vibez w/a tasbihthen you ask mewhat my...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:25:06 -0500

3. eid mubarak

—

i vibez w/a tasbih
then you ask me
what my task be
what my ism means
n what language i speak
n from what country
i derive all my heat —
the core of the earth
how did you expect me?
what i say when i speech:
bismillahirahmanirahim
bismillahirahmanirahim
bismillahirahmanirahim
this only a beginning
to everything

— listen —

do you know this
do you know this
do you know this

do you notice
how ya love turns rivers into roses
burns bushes has me lookin like i’m moses
n i kno i owe this more than poses —
my hope is
that i hold this
close to both lips
with a heart that is open
cuz we sail on an ocean
n when the boat flip
it’s like boom w/an oh shhhh…
— explosion —
mixed w/emotions
means more than motions
n goin thru em - not hopeless
why disrespect the dopest
when every moment’s an opus…
n on land we know how rowdy the roads is
complex colossus…
we a wonder, it’s honest…

do i know this
do i know this
do i know this

— listen —

honesty from the get-go
everything — let go
spit it out — le’s flow
keep it all-natural
forget a flava artificial
fakeness leaves a bitter aftertingle
cuz it wasn’t meant to mingle
w/da buddies on ya lingual
every syllable is equal
this is how i gotta treat you
and this is how we teach us
how the art of giving gets us
perplexed cuz da rest of
life seems like it’s out to get us
by givin us the problems
that we don’t want a part of —
but if you still is guessin
bout errors n corrections
whas really a blessin
n what is really stressin testin —
here’s a question: whas the difference?
it’s hard to separate em…
n harder to appreciate em —
would you rather roll w/truth
or shadows of a heaven
that really wasn’t seventh
but hell from beginnin to endin
cuz you fooled yaself w/figments
of ya own imagination?
and we humans mad impatient
like we patients who is waitin
in a room w/o a spoon to feed us
all the lovin turns to hatin —
but don’t you really hate when —
nah, try not to really hate then
not even for a second…
why harden up my heart
when sometimes it needs to soften
to get stronger on the often
neva weaker — betta now that it’s pumpin honest

— listen —

like time my love did rhyme
on and on till it touched sunshine
on and on till it touched moonglow
round and round it did go
where did it go?
there it go…
there it is…

breathe.

like time my love did rhyme
on and on till it touched sunshine
on and on till it touched moonglow
round and round it did go
where did it go?
there it go…
there it is…

breathe.

like time my love did rhyme
on and on till it touched sunshine
on and on till it touched moonglow
round and round it did go
where did it go?
there it go…
there it is…

breathe.

— listen —

and i struggle every single second
to turn all my hells to heavens
the present to something pleasant
regretting to representing
my true self, and never letting
my shortcomings
determine what i’m becoming
because the future is funny
and everything
and nothing
without the realization
that you are whom you are wanting to be
but not always whom you oughta be…
look deep inside, and don’t be scared to see
your dreams can be your prophecies
you are the master of your journey
and every life is like an odyssey
greatness is your destiny
you are the greatest - you will make it, b
and that is what they said to me
so to my peoples, thanks for everything…

— listen —

and i pray that family friends loved ones are as safe as humans can be safe in a place where safety comfort peace is as out of place as palms are commonplace palms overturned turned up to the sky in a prayer of thirst like palms pushed together in a puzzle of silence like palms that line so many hearts and as many graves in a desert my desert of dreams.

i don’t know what else to say.

4. muslim monster [instrumental used: from “Monster”...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:23:00 -0500

4. muslim monster

[instrumental used: from “Monster” by Kanye West]

[note: this is the second recording of my remake for the mixtape.]

—

gossip gossip everybody stop it
everybody thinks that i’m really a monster
ima needa see ya loving hearts in concert
ima needa see ya loving hearts in concert
prophet, prophet, jesus and mohammad
please give us some guidance — we’re treated like we’re problems
ima needa see ya loving hearts in concert
ima needa see ya love, love…

i tell them i’m a muslim, they tell me i’m a monster
many people hate him — not as many love him
fewer understand him — they can’t really stand him
more than just the brown skin — isn’t he a towelhead?
what’s his name again? — can’t pronounce it
go back home — ya people so denouncin
always be announcin — how you gonna trounce us
do you know bin laden? — gomorrah and sodom?
don’t you welcome slaughter? slay you like you saddam —
one too many bad bones
do you love al qaeda?

man we are the cradle
of civilization when you weren’t able
keep tellin them fables at the dinner table
where we’re not invited cuz y’all be too frightened
grabbin kitchen knives and tellin my mom the hijab don’t excite them
it only incite them
ummm — colonialist mindset?
— are we behind the times yet?
— y’all beyond bonkers
— y’all are really monsters

problem, problem — you really don’t know muslims
benefit of a doubt? i want benefit of conscience —
while you gas-guzzlin, proppin corporations and governments
that really been breakin ish, like laws and promises
we been tryna plant seeds to make things blossom
our soil been poisoned by greed — y’all got us —
bombs? yall drop em — forget innocence —
back here yall hold religion ransom
price to be paid? granddaughters and grandsons?
stationed in iraq now they back wantin answers —
some are up in arms, others up in handcuffs —
we just wanna get home, to families that love us —
yall wanna arrest us - neva get to rest cuz
security bug us — yeah we worry so much
random check? ok — now you got my hands up
thinkin i’m exotic — not your belly dancer
no i’m not your monkey, neither am i ya cancer
i’m a us citizen but i don’t like your pillagin
no i’m not that privileged*, my parents were two immigrants
sometimes i feel homeless wonder where the world is
resident alien? that welcome wasn’t warmest
we from overseas - so now you wanna seize us?
tryna get thru customs with our different customs — we just wanna be us

is it halloween? why they wearin costumes?
would it really cost you a whole lot more leg room
if you weren’t hostile?
do i have to beg you?

now you havin cabbies fillin up the hospital —
why you gotta treat him like he was an obstacle?
— abu ghraib to guantanamo —
this course is impossible
justice what we need why we treat it like it’s optional
now you wanna burn qurans?
are we really that intolerable?

welcome
to ground zero, america
where
anger gets the best of us
you expect me to be silent?
sayin we’re defilin
that we’re only violent

you insensitive definin
islam as terrorism — you should get in line and
learn bout other members
of the community
who were victims that september —
they remember embers —
welcome to the center

listen
i tell you where the error is: when you say a terrorist represents what the scripture says — pretty embarrassing to be carried away by hatred and ignorance, huh?

5. status — trying not to languish in anguish or english...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:20:30 -0500

5. status

—

trying not to languish
in anguish or english —
whatever language —
like spanglish si tu bangs wit it
like arms controlled by the bangled wrists
of a single mom from bangladesh —
not a man that’s “rich”
that calls her “bitch”
and beats her wit a bunch of sticks
cuz her clitoris not always his
and his penis really selfish is —
she who also handles kids
and the damages when the gangs of vandals hit,
and when candles lit, she’s planning this —
not revenge, but how to live —
practicing an alchemy that’s dangerous
cuz it’s glamorous to reach for dreams that are dangling like forbidden figs,
and that would mean feeding all the fish that swim with wings in the sea she sings as her only wish:
she prays that angels bring her bliss
while hoping god is hearing it
cuz all her sins were innocent;
she swears they weren’t serious —
not enough to merit this:
all the violence, craziness —
and you can call me feminist,
hope each of you is feeling this
enough to go and show this ish
to chauvinists
who beg for more
while forcing chores
on women, who to them are really only “whores”
and therefore treated like garbage —
no respect, it’s obvious —
oblivious to the rest of us and everything inside of them,
fighting love so hiding what it really means to grow within…

6. from/to [instrumentals used: from “So Appalled”...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:18:54 -0500

6. from/to

[instrumentals used: from “So Appalled” by Kanye West; “Sun Fran To Tokyo” by King Most]

—

1,2 - 1,2 -
we call this from/to -
from/to -
i don’t get it either,
but ima try -
random

from

nose to the high winds - grind like a wheat, thin - mind like my own biz - fines for my own sins - price ima pay now - what a price ima pay, wow

to

neva - flakin on verses
spittin smthng like cursive
flowin smooth like the earth spin
that’s a planet in orbit

to

sleepin like a king in my twin-size bed
n when i slept on the floor yo i still got rest -
on the sea, spread like sheets -
rowing through the columns
scrolls to the bottom
to find a byte to eat -
i exhale, i excel
spittin syllables with my sib-uh-lings well
no, well, we been through many things, tunnel -
our visions clear tho - we use our ears yo -
listen to our hearts - so we begin to clear throats -
speak out words, i wonder if you feel those -
and if faith guided our actions, or if fear chose -

to

she was a butterfly
i was like a caterpillar
tryna catch up w/her,
in my chrysalis
can i get her?
for christ-uh-mas
st. nicholas
my wish is this -

to

oh what a dope speech
na i rly dnt preach
i just pray n hope each
one of us can go teach
each one of us to go be (gobi)
like a desert so we thirsty
for knowledge, wisdom hopefully -

(hopefully. cuz if it was hopeflee, then hope would be fleeing, and if hope flees, it’s like hope running away -
and that’s not good, right? but - maybe it could be a good thing, you know, so we appreciate hope more - absence makes the heart grow stronger?)

next

frommm/to, part 2
from/toooo, part 2 -
where we comin from, where we goin to -
i tell you, i tell you, a little bit, a little bit -
a lickle, lickle, lickle bit:

from

f-o-b
to
nouveau-riche

to

ghetto chic
to
“vaat eez dees?”

to

no ac
just fans that breathe

to

need a breeze
find a windowseat

to

got to eat
find an old receipt
back in limbo see

to

ebt
and the dmv
gotta pay a fee

to

what kind of letters can you send with food stamps?

to

what kind of work can you get with no hands?

to

i’m as relevant as the elephant in the room
why is there an elephant in a room
why is it y’all assume

to

sweepin it with a broom
planting flowers that will bloom
don’t worry love we’ll find home soon

(why is there an elephant in the room? if there’s an elephant in the room, there’s a problem. cuz there’s no way the elephant got into the room by itself, unless it was a baby elephant. but big elephants, unless you got a really big house, and a really big room, there’s no way it got in there. so the elephant had to be there first, in an empty area, and then someone had to build the room around it. and that sounds like a set-up to me so don’t fall for it.)

to

tell em whas ya plan b
i ain’t got a plan b
i am tryna birth dreams
relatively easy -
when i was tryna conceive
but always harder to maintain
i am talkin be-lief
in self -
i am talkin re-lief
that health
is around and i can be me -
so when i sleep i can dream about reality -
wonder is this happening -
happiness you’ve never been
a steady friend - or was it me
who’d always leave you by yaself -
i’m sorry
i wasn’t loving me
properly -
but now i am i even got some property -
my state of mind i swear it’s mine it took some time but now i see -

check it, check it -

to

fame and fortune? forget it -
i’m already a star - i set it
off when i want to - and if you open ya eyes
and look up through the moonroof,
you’ll see me -

(well, if you see me, you should invite me in the car, and tell me to put a seatbelt on. i should not be on a moonroof. that’s not safe. but yeah i mean, if you look up and, and you think, think about me though, that’s kinda like being a star, right? that’s kinda cool… why do i mumble so much?)

7. conversations original title: concerning my self: inside...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:14:59 -0500

7. conversations

original title:

concerning my self: inside voices outside, private conversations in public

[note: i wrote this a couple years ago, performed it for a panel on mental health issues at my college — it was very difficult for me to share. reason i mention this is because you or someone you know may be dealing with issues that seem insurmountable, seem impossible to resolve, and i want you to know that people care, i care — we’re here for you and we’ll stand with you. i wouldn’t have been able to share this unless i had reached a better place. and i wouldn’t have been able to get to that point without help. but reaching out can be extremely difficult — both when you need help and when you want to help. and it can also be extremely simple; the smallest things can work wonders. however you are trying, i got love for you, and will do all i can to keep reaching.]

—

part one — suicide note

dear suicide i was thinkin bout you again
life and i aren’t doin well — feels like you’re my only friend
i needed her when i was down, but the thought of you is what helped me
i’m really thinkin bout leavin her, she only makes me feel empty
do you think you n i could make it? do you really love me?
i can only imagine now how your kisses and hugs be
my family tells me that i’m not thankful enough

that everything life has done for me has been out of love

but i don’t understand why she would hurt me so much

pain with no luck she brings — i just want to quit this stuff

life says i don’t speak her language — so i slip her some tongue

but i know it’s jus distracting from all of our problems

i cursed her out the other night — if i coulda grabbed her, woulda killed her

tired of the hurt she’s put me through, and i know she’s hidin secrets

tried to get em out of her, yellin questions she wouldn’t answer —

anyway tomorrow night it’s me and you — my friend danger said you’re a good dancer

this is my note to suicide — am i in love with you?

i think about you a lot…
i’ve been cheating on life for a while now — i don’t know what to do —
i don’t know if giving up means giving all that i’ve got…

dear suicide last night was a lot of fun

i know we didn’t go all the way, but i still enjoyed gettin some
i just had a question — does your touch always leave a mark?
bruises, cuts, etc — then again we were foolin around in the dark —
life asked me where i’d been when i got home

but i yelled at her to leave me alone
i could tell that she was worried — whatever, she was probably jealous
suicide you shoulda seen her, she suspected what the hell was
goin on, but so what — i think you and i could be goin strong
won’t be long before i seal the deal and then i’m gone
life will wonder where the hell i went — regret why she wasn’t perfect
why she couldn’t treat me right — could we meet again tomorrow night?

there’s something special about you — you give me such an escape

you would never hurt me, right? — you’d never lie to my face
peace forever is what hits me when i think of you
i haven’t been happy in a long time — i’m hopin you’re the truth

this is my note to suicide — am i in love with you?

i think about you a lot…

i’ve been cheating on life for a while now — i don’t know what to do -

i don’t know if giving up means giving all that i’ve got

dear suicide i don’t know what to say — i talked to life today —

she knows about you and she swears that you’re hurting me

and she said she’s heard me crying out for help

said that help can only happen if i learn to love myself

told me you were no good, that you were planning to kill me —

of course i didn’t believe her, but then i saw the news and the faces of all of my siblings…

i tried to argue, but i realized that i felt weaker than ever…

i think she’s right suicide, i’d regret if i ever left her…

this is my note to suicide — my suicide note —

life is teaching me what love means — i’m not giving up hope

life is teaching me what love means — i’m not giving up hope…

part two — when you through

sometimes it’s hard to be gettin thru

more than poor reception — it’s perception that be hurtin you

i wanna communicate with you, please…

but you treat it like communicable disease

left untreated — with no vaccines

small talk avoided like small pox or poison
you ain’t fillin voids with ya words dr. wordsmith

now ya words worth nothin — where’s ya will to start somethin?

such a romantic — reality what you banished

ironic now how ya dreams they all jus vanished

you can’t even say that ya heart’s feelin damaged

when you neva even had the heart to feel the pain you couldn’t manage —

now you sittin here reachin out

forgettin how to move about

remember what you was givin out? shoutin till you passin out?

criticism afta criticism of a world you thought you knew all about?

now it’s you that’s givin out — lung collapsin, breathin out

last breaths — you leavin now?

my sibling you need some water — why you askin for a drought?

why you want the worst for yaself? so you can act it out?

prove to ya peoples you was right? finish backin out?

like you was afraid to be free — i can see what you was lackin, how

uncertainty was the reason you was fearin — wow

you more human than i eva thought

my sibling get up and shake the doubt

i’m not lettin you give you up —

you need you more than ever now

and i need you to wake you up

ya heart it beats for both of us

ya blood it runs through the both of us

past self and future self the present’s waitin hurry up

the present’s waitin hurry up jus breathe please — n neva stop —

we got you when you feel weak — on our knees, see — please get up —

the present’s waitin hurry up

baby steps tho, sibling, rebirth — you born in love

baby steps tho, rebirth — may you always live in love

part three — to the wordless poets

i apologize for my language

just a reflection of my actions

i don’t apologize for my language

my word is my sanction

and if my words cut deep

imagine what a knife did

imagine what a life did

imagine when the lights out

and you cry out and it’s quiet

imagine when you build walls

too tall for you to climb all

imagined when you closed in holed in

open to a change but really hopin for more rain

overwhelmed by fear so you wish to drown before they near

before they find out all the things you write/right bout

not even write/right bout —

you a wordless poet

whose struggle you try hard to live out

whose survival depends not on a pen but sometimes a friend and sometimes within whom you love now

when your heart is wounded and you assumed that you would die now —

imagine if your fears are what you imagine

as the only real things in your life left to happen —

imagine that you don’t imagine —

that you give up and like that it happens —

all the answers to undying questions

will never satisfy when dying’s the question —

i would ask if i could learn a lesson

“to remember every single blessing”

but life is hard, hard to relate —

and you don’t mean to keep fam and friends guessin

but you a wordless poet —

your artwork heroic —

priceless the way you cry, sis —

soulful the way you mourn, bro —

you a wordless poet —

worth more than any word that would never capture how you growin

i promise you still beautiful —

it’s painful, too, to live the truth —

but live you do —

here or elsewhere still you do —

more than just a visual slowly fade residual —

in my heart you visible you color me the strongest hue —

my heart learned how to beat from you —

i learned how better i could be — from you —

you wordless poet — never worthless, know this:

the struggle to survive came alive when you birthed it —

you wordless poet art heroic —

who knows exactly how to say what to say when there’s nothing left to say —

your love is here to stay

you wordless poet art heroic —

you wordless poet life heroic

part four — silence

part four is silence.

8. life after death [instrumental used: from “No...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 21:47:23 -0500

8. life after death

[instrumental used: from “No Static” by Nappy Roots]

—

life

it gets heavy
and i lose ground steadily
wonder if i readily
give it up for heavenly
don’t know where the hell i’d be
if it wasn’t family
and friends lookin out for me
givin up like everything
so they could just see me breathe

yeah i wanna turn a leaf
think about eternity
be around eternally
struggles are internally
killin me
forget it god - let me be
let me see
everything
20/20

and i’m past 20,
i be 2 plus -
wonder if i do bust
slugs for one love -
body turn to new dust -
no it isn’t enough
to only become
what i understand as good luck…

how do things happen?
try to digest
everything in my chest…
thoughts run laps
to the sound of my heartbeat -
but personal bests,
like bulletproof vests,
are really only covers
for when life will not stretch
any thinner,
and i’m feelin thinner
missin way too many dinners in the winter
missin way too many suppers in the summer…

for you i live life,
and if it ever came time,
for you i would put
my life on the line

for you i live life,
and if it ever came time,
for you i would put
my life on the line,
my life on the line,
my life on the line

for you i live life,
and if it ever came time…

and i’m under duress
and i’m feelin the stress —
does god bless some with death?
while cursin the rest
to remember what’s left -
all the memories get
us feelin bereft
all the tears that were wept…

can’t give up on ish,
for them i do rep -
i forever will rep
for as long as i live -
and well after it
when’s all said and done,
and the clock doesn’t run
you will think about time,
every single moment -
and how i spent mine…

i wonder how i spent mine…

for you i live life,
and if it ever came time -

i would spend mine -
i would spend mine

9. on being off — being off, the grid.means being off, the...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 21:42:00 -0500

9. on being off

—

being off, the grid.
means being off, the mark.
…so it seems, so it seems.
idioms identical, i see you in my dreams.
you are parenthetical, i wonder what that means.
name becomes an afterthought, memories no gleam.
technology is digital, my fingers move like fiends.
but if it’s really digital, presence would be physical, feeling no more pitiful, moments would be pivotal, guess it’s not that critical, to take a stand like sitting bull, no not paradoxical, paradise fort knox are full, gold and other obstacles -

history is tragic, and the magic is that we are told, in languages they spoken bold, on the phone they put on hold, no reception rather dig a hole, feel the earth against my soul, no one can really teach you how you learn to let it go.

write letters in the water, speak loves into the air -
and if it ever seems i’m not here, then i promise to be there.

no facebook? no face.
no e-mail? no trace.
contact through an artifact or an antique yes it’s hard in fact
for my peoples who don’t walk a map, they walk miles and more and back,
so we write about em talk about em know they won’t react -
tell me what is left to say that is not behind their backs -
treat their voices like a poison cuz it’s hard to swallow facts,
so we choose to call them voiceless quietly we proud of that,
and if we choose to listen, peace and quiet we would lack -
welcome to being black
brown red yellow white,
poverty doesn’t care if you are dark or light,
it’s power that discriminates,
you are wrong if you choose to fight,
or care about human rights,
if you ain’t struggled how they struggled how you knowing what they like?
what’s the use of rights - if you don’t have enough rice?

keep piling on the aid, still people dying from aids, admonish how they behave, you rather that they were slaves?
development’s a business, wonder how much you make -
development’s libidinous, lusting after a goal - i can feel when love is fake.
try developing ya conscience, before you move to continents:
you might see what is at stake, try to see it for ya sake.
they live the realities - you can only cry about it.
they live what is tragedy - naturally they die about it.
and if it’s not on tv, it isn’t news - so don’t lie about it.
it never happened, ain’t no action, just distraction - don’t you dare write about it.

trees fall in forests all the time when no one’s around, and they always make a sound -
but you can only hear it if your ears are to the ground.

10. mappression [instrumental used: “Heaven Sent” by...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 21:39:32 -0500

10. mappression

[instrumental used: “Heaven Sent” by 9th Wonder]

—

they say pressure makes diamonds
that’s true
oppression makes diamonds, too -

sometimes we are silent
sometimes we are violent
sometimes we not shinin
when we know we vibrant
spittin so many verbs - so many people heard
so many ppl hurt - huh?
where’s the action to my words?
but never get discouraged -
you got so much courage

who are the cartographers?
and are they really more like conquerors?
who somehow wanna conquer earth
with they pov? - take a look at antarctica -
and all the other continents
and they’ve all already been conquered, nah?
countries they plant flags
and borders they stay strapped
next up is time - please move an hour back -
rearrange time so we can make more stacks?

or are they those who simply accept the maps?
mental tourist w/a fanny pack -

those who assume that a place of birth
isn’t a place till birthed
by a person w/a pencil
who can print the facts -

sounds whack

they say pressure makes diamonds
i say oppression makes diamonds, too
sometimes we are silent
sometimes we are violent
sometimes we not shinin
when we know we vibrant
spittin so many verbs - so many people heard
so many ppl hurt - huh?
where’s the action to my words?
but never get discouraged -
you got so much courage

i wonder where the humans at
seems like most only citizens of a certain flag
and those caught without one
get sent right back
and get sentenced as
criminals who have attacked
the integrity of the borders
cuz they pronounce w/ac-
cents that don’t seem to match
the accepted version of what’s accepted
so they syllables slippery - n they slip through cracks
that resemble gaps
in teeth that ain’t had the chance
to be bleached or straightened - so they have to learn to act
and no one’s an illegal until they cross the line
not the borders but the burden of being ill-defined
misunderstood, not represented, and no contract - no dotted line -
no existence, no recognition without a name to sign
no paper without no papers
and the law doesn’t protect ya kind
even if u kind ya child will still get left behind
middle finger 2 ya face - they really good at pantomime
while you pant and grind in pants with grime just so you can buy anotha pair of pants that don’t waste no lines —
can’t waste ya breath - ain’t got time to mind
n ain’t got two cents to spare neitha - too spent to lie:
you don’t really wanna speak -
jus have enough to eat
and be at peace inside

but they talk like they know ya life…

11. waking up [instrumental used: from “In The...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 21:35:00 -0500

11. waking up

[instrumental used: from “In The Morning” by J. Cole]

—

regardless of the ish you been thru
you can get to
your dreams
if you sleep
and wake up in the morning…
good morning
good morning

regardless of the ish you been thru
you can get to
your dreams
if you sleep
and wake up in the morning…
good morning
good morning

good -

findin balance is a challenge
needin questions to my answers
and i wonder can i manage
and the pain can i just handle
i’m in danger and i ramble
i ramble and i ramble
spittin mad preambles
while my constitution’s mangled
and my dream on thread is dangled
yo my dream is like a mango
and my memory’s the tree
and reality’s the angle -
do i see this fruit for me?
can i light again this candle
wax nostalgic and there’s ample
fire in my heart i swear i tore myself apart
tryna find myself a part on this earth where do i start -
plus the wick is good
and i swear i’m wicked good
go ahead and pick a hood
suburb village slum or in the middle of the woods
whatever language
express myself with sadness happiness or anger
i promise you a following would start to sing
right behind me just to back me up
later they would crack me up
funny how we lackin stuff
when human understanding and a little bit of love
will go a long way
though of course it’s not enough
if we don’t work at it try to make em good habits -
what’s the difference between me and a crack addict?
the substance that’s in you still subject to abuse
the only substitute that’ll ever teach you truth
is not a better view, yo, it’s a better you…
work at it…
work at it…

and i’m at it like an addict in the attic with the antics, actin with the antique additive, ya dig…
and i’m at it like an addict in the attic with the antics, actin with the antique additive, ya dig…

good morning

can i wake up in the morning?
am i sleepin am i snorin?
do my dreams they got me frozen?
words to keep i’m not composin?
whomi really jokin?
friends say there he go again
he’s such a comedian
really he committin sin
cuz jokes without a purpose really ain’t got meaning then…
you say you’ve been meaning to but meaning to meaning when?
how can you get it if you don’t give it — you should be so livid
prolific so gifted no kiddin wordsmithin know digits so mythic, but what’s missin?
and do you really mean business?
cut ya losses, invest in this -
you holdin out for justice, but you don’t listen to the witness…
if my test was litmus, my color would be greatness,
basics and acidics i can mix em like a chemist…
fear ate faith alive - am i hibernatin, dormant?
hyperventilate at moments
scared to live alive so i rather live a lie
am i really tryin? or am i slowly dyin -
reasons it’s zzz’s after the (wh)y’s -
how can you give up if you never truly try?
how can you dry up if you never really cry?
you never said hello -
so why the hell would you say bye?
and still you wonder why…
you should open up your eyes…
you should open up your eyes…

good morning
good -

eyo i woke up in the morning
it felt so good i felt like soaring
eyo i woke up in the morning
cuz my dreams are so important
eyo i woke up in the morning
like the apple of my eye
had some hopeful in my eye
i looked up to the sky
and i saw the sun did rise
bowlful of hopeful in the morning
helpful serving swear i’m worth it i’m deserving
and i’m workin at it
and i’m workin at it
wait for ages for my wages, different stages
there’s a difference between waiting and patience
gonna need patience to save this
and i’ve been tellin you i earned it

can i wake up in the morning…

eyo i woke up in the morning.

mask

Fri, 23 Nov 2012 23:59:00 -0500

gave me a mask
made me
a mask

they gave me a mask

and
i took it

looked
good right like
something i wanted
to look like something others
wanted me to look like even thought
after wearing it
long enough:

something i do
look like

thought after long
enough:

this is me

they told me
there’s no
cost and i told
them i have
no questions
then

all of me enthralled
this is what
i want to
look like
and they nodded smiled as if it were
made
for
me

didn’t
tell me i would
pay later
cost something
much more than
surface
much deeper

maybe they
didn’t know or
maybe they didn’t
want to admit;
they were wearing
their own

i wore mine
most places if not
everywhere long
enough that it
became me and
what was i
without it? was there
i
without
it?

looked at
everyone else
and how
even though we each had
our own
after a while we
all started
to look sound be the
same

took mine back
told them they lied and
that i was going
to make
my own
and i did

used the same tools
and techniques and
made my own
mask just as good
and why not better -
mine this one was
mine this would be
me

who else
has made their own?
i thought who else
could look as real
as me in my
mask
?

and i did look
different but
the style was the
same just
opposite
could challenge
their stares with
mine but
was just looking from
the other end
of what they
wanted to see
could challenge
their words with
my own but
it was still the same
language

stopped looking
at everyone else
outside and how they
acted -

stopped looking and closed
my eyes
and tried to see
myself for
what i was
and what i wasn’t and
the mask
fell off

no more hiding
i thought
what am i hiding?
what is
wrong with me
that needs to be
hidden
always
?

they looked at me
and i looked back
and everything was light